The job, the house, the man
I don't have to cross reference anyone's Outlook Cal when I go out. I don't have to feel bad about wanting to write in my journal instead of talk on the phone or watch football or have sex. I don't have to get in those stupid fights that are about nothing and yet about everything . I don't have to help my boyfriend work on issues that he doesn't want to work on in the first place and wouldn't be a problem if I weren't in the picture anyway. I don't have to pretend I like sandwiches or that I have a sense of smell. I don't have to call anyone back. I can sit on the subway and think about fun stuff like Victor Hugo or Hegel or why I would take a bullet for Eminem not what I think about so and so's sense of fashion, his taste in music, whether he's a good kisser or if he's called me back since yesterday and why not .
You'd think living in Manhattan would be perfect.
When Friday night rolls around, I usually exchange digits with at least one hot guy who is fun and makes me laugh (my must-haves). Which in some cases leads to a match of tonsil hockey or my legs carelessly tangled in between hot guy's and my fingers interlaced with his until morning.
I walk home the next morning. And usually don't hear from the guy until Thursday.
It would be if I didn't feel rejected on Wednesday when he hasn't txt back yet. And how I feel like a total loser on Thu after the nonchalant follow-up "hey, that was fun we should do it again sometime" and I say, "sure, what ru doing this wkend?"
And he never texts back.
I have this idea that who I am as a woman is directly correlated to the amount of times a guy txts me back and whether he wants to get drinks with me after work this week.
My life coach has explained over and over that my worth is not tied to whether hot guys like me.
I've written it countless times in my journal.
But I can't get it through my thick skull that
I am not how many times a guy txts me.
And because I can't seem to get it, it makes me think that I am sabotaging myself because I don't want the full package. I just want the the job and the great apartment.
My mom says I haven't met the right guy yet.
My best friend says everyone wants a life companion it's a part of the human experience.
My dad says we are meant to share life with others it's natural.
But none of this feels natural. Not the stupid fights about nothing and everything, not the trying to fix and change every body, and not the txting wars and me feeling beautiful and desirable based on my inbox.
After having this conversation with a close friend from California recently she suggested,
"Maybe you just need to figure out what kind of eggs you like . You know that movie with Richard Gere and Julia Roberts, Runaway Bride? Julia Roberts' character changes the way she orders eggs with every guy she dates until she's finally had enough and decides she needs to figure out for herself what kind of eggs she likes."
I guess maybe I need to figure out what kind of eggs I like first and then figure out if I want to skip the omelet and go for the crab cakes .
View Comments? "The job, the house, the man"
1 year ago
you are the most adorable thing ever and YOU make me wanna come to New York so I can see you.I miss you in the ATL but I am so glad that you are goin for it..Carrie Bradshaw has nothin on you girl.
Love ya and miss ya,
1 year ago
oh man oh man. Do I ever get it. Sometimes I feel abnormal because I don't dream of Mr. perfect all day- instead I dream of packed out stadiums and finishing my record. I dream of album art and music videos and collaborating with talented musicians. I do not dream of wedding aisles or honey moons or even cozy nights in with a beau. So, what does that make me? A product of my feminist studies, my upbringing watching weak women live their lives for men and become stagnant and miserable? I'm not sure. But somewhere along the line I decided that men weren't worth building my life around. That the materials I would use to build a foundation around a man would crack with the slightest wind. And to be honest with you, I have often found this true. So, what gives? Are we women who dream of careers and space and lofts in big cities automatically taken of the 'desirable gf list' , is it some kind of trade off? My conclusion Bethany, is that when someone comes around who is worth your while (not Mr. mcdreamy, not 'mr. right' just someone WORTH your time) that they will actually life you up. They will work themselves into the life you have built yourself and they will not make you feel weighted-or tear down anything you have built so far. A good relationship , you will recognize because it makes you feel warm and light inside. If it doesn't exist than I've already decided I'm perfectly happy being the ' dog lady ' and will fill my future house with music rooms and adopted children. Because love , I just cannot fake.
1 year ago
I think your mom may be right, you haven't found "mr. right" yet. All the things you said included "I don't want"when I found the right guy (and this is me talking, I'm not saying this is how it is for every girl), he wanted all the same things I wanted. James and I both love sports, don't want kids, and have so much fun whether with a group or just by ourselves. I love my alone time, but hate being away from him, and he feels the same.
And as for the guys you hook up with and aren't texting you back, it's probably because it's the bar/club scene. Men are simple creatures; they don't like it when things get complicated. The fact that some guy doesn't text or call you doesn't mean anything's wrong with you, it just means he's a guy, and that's what they domost of them anyway. If they don't call you, to he'll with them! You are too great and too awesome to be worrying about some lame guy anyway
Love you! Hope this helps!
PS. I'm totally jealous of you! You have an awesome life! Don't let guys ruin that. I may be married, but I still don't have a college degree and I HATE my job. I sometimes feel life is blowing past me and I don't know how to slow it down. You have it made
1 year ago
awesome.there is a book called " I married Adventure" I made Mo read it when she was a kid at 23 and very determined to find the right path she is still single beats being married to the wrong guy enjoy life, every moment, married or not the joy comes from U a man can be a part of that if he's the right man but he can't complete it the joy is still UR own.
1 year ago
I completely understand your frustration. Its hard not to tie your self to whether a guy decides to continue communicating with you. I mean, why wouldn't he want to get to know you, right?
I enjoyed the he'll out of my single years but yearned for someone to share life with and last year we found each other. I have never cried over him; I have never had a fight with him; and we definitely have never not called or texted each other. In fact, we talk all day long at work on gchat and then an hour every night we are not together.
The bottom line is figure out what eggs you like and then don't waste your time on anything other then what you want.
1 year ago
Come visit chica!!
1 year ago
You're totally right about letting it just be. My life coach has tried to tell me that over and over (and some how I still can't get it into my thick skull that it doesn't mean anything about me.) Thank you for the reminder!
1 year ago
woooow! I can't believe you know the I Married Adventure book!!! That is my best friend's all time fave book; she even has a journal to go alongside it! Thank you for the reminder that I am a whole human being and everything I need to feel joy is already inside of me!
1 year ago
I just wanted to "Like" "I have never cried over him; I have never had a fight with him; and we definitely never not called or texted each other."
I guess you're right, I don't even like eggs in the first place!
1 year ago
I feel like it's taken forever to respond to you, but I've thought about your comment every day the last week.
A few years ago, I made the decision (rather saw a vision) that it was okay that I turn into a single, little old lady professor with a tote full of pedagogy books. And I'm not just okay with that, I embrace it. I can't wait to be that little, wise old lady.
I guess what it comes down to is, I'm not willing to sacrifice who I am to have someone join me in my journey. I text probably a little too much; I get a little too excited about the prospect of every guy I meet (even he loves football, is a Republican and has never heard of Descartes); I let the guy kiss me probably a little too soon; sometimes I pay for my own drinks (even his); I leave probably a little too early the next morning; and I probably get a little too upset when a guy says he can't make it for drinks when I invite him out.
The mathematician in me (yeah, I didn't know I had it in me to even understand math) wants to play with the equation, to see what happens if I take certain elements out, to see if I can get a different output.
But all of those things are me, and I don't want to stop being me.
So, that was a really long-winded way of saying I'm totally with you on the dog lady thing
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Posted in Design Post Date 11/06/2015